hiii... some things never change but a lot of things do! i just remembered i had a site like this. i mean i never forgot it, but i thought i should check it now, you know? to sum up, i got myself into a difficult situation recently and it will probably somewhat ruin my life. i didnt have to do it, i chose to do it, and it was probably very wrong to do. its hard being 20. i also got into umamusume recently. i dont like how things take over my life when i get into them. i had 10+ hours screen time on the app every day for the first week of playing it. thats just how summer vacation goes, i guess. i also sparked oshi no ko chisato on bandori en. didnt have anything better to do with the stars i've half-heartedly saved for a few months (or several? i didnt keep track i just log in every few days and auto for the events, i dont really play anymore)... i think carpal tunnel will keep me from ever "tiering" in a rhythm game again. im not upset about that but its weird to evaluate growing up by measures like this. hands dont work. lol.

on that note, i feel a pressure/urge to learn how to play an enstrument. probably the bass(chisato). problem is, this is one of my weaknesses. i cannot comprehend music. im tone deaf, cant tell if a song sounds good or bad, cant figure out any instruments. it brings me near a panic attack when i try to do so in the presence of someone else. for some reasons, i came to feel like all my interests are stupid, unnecessary and unproductive. all my interests = anime rhythm games. your mileage may vary. i just hate everything difficult / that im not used to. just feel so "wrong" as a person.

this entry spiraled into darkness very fast and struggles to leave it. i'd say overall im doing 4/10. could be better could be worse but not very good. the next year will probably see me dropping to 2/10, unlikely but possibly 1/10. in the best case i may remain 4/10 or unlikely rise to 5/10. dunno why im doing this to myself.

love, coffy

I'm glad I added a diary to this site because it's the only thing I manage to update... In the last 6 months I got SUPER SICK again, for a few weeks, but I'm mostly okay now. I know it's summer but I'm still busy with some stuff so... also working on a translation hosting site for ensemble stars :) And I watched House MD recently, it was super good! that's about all I have on my mind right now lol, see you later!

hii.. whats with me and only putting entries at the start of the year lol its not on purpose X) not much going on, though... sad to leave this website without any new content but its just not in me rn :( well i never %100d nso because i already knew everything that happens so why bother right lol, i played idol manager for a few days recently but then i got very sick for 5 days and didnt do anything at all so hopefully i will finish the game soon. thats about it. thanks if anyone reads this!

dear god everything on this site is breaking. because i hotlinked all the images so thats deserved LOL ill fix a bit of that, right now the background image is gone so thats serious i have to find something to put there bleh... i still didnt %100 nso, i revamped my browser home page extension today though so that is something

oof much delayed update, i really got into needy streamer overload.. i'll %100 it soon, i'm having trouble getting the runaway angel ending but it cant be that hard, i was just a bit busy.. i need to update this site too

just read some stuff about what happened to mycandylove after i stopped playing lol does anyone know that game TwT i liked it a lot. i might make a page inspired by the old games i used to play

you ever add a page as a wip and then get too lazy to complete it and realize its probably going to remain a wip forever? ahah

there are so many shrines/pages i need to code (sob emoji) like i've been into bojack horseman lately so i hope to have the inspiration+energy for a themed page once i finish watching.. i also want to do a ddlc shrine, i want to replicate a segment from the game in javascript but im not sure if i can. the minigame part was my first idea, i think i can't do a replica but i might be able to derive another simpler idea from it. or i'll do something else entirely! not sure

i wish i had more time, just in general. also a few hours later i managed to add the notebook spiral thing to this page. genuinely took me around 1.5 hours.. well i like how it looks

i should start drinking. that would go so well. i should also get back into coding which is a tad bit difficult to do while pursuing a degree in something entirely unrelated to computer science. then again, is anything completely unrelated to computer science with the state of AI. ugh

so life goes on, i've become obsessed with a game recently and for several days i've been watching youtube videos of it but i'm really bad at the game myself.. i just find it kind of funny
2023 edit: man what the hell is funny about that? 2024: ...what even was the game?? genuinely no clue and I can't scroll that much on my youtube history- oh, maybe project zomboid? probably project zomboid. i suck at those games

the circumstsnces have forced me to make this entry on mobile. im missimg at least two midterms and one graded assignment. be super careful when crossing the road lol(not funny)

LAUGHING MY ASS OFF YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST FOUND LOOOOOLLLLL omfg... okay calm, i was looking at neocities emails i have across all gmail accounts i own bc im looking for something and turns out i had a site in 2020 february... its very much a wip there are barely 2 pages but thats not the thing, its just SO fucking CRINGEEE!!!! oh my god i cant believe it... i was 15... its the worst i was at the peak of my kinning phase.. so much hatred... so much edginess... ahhhhhh i cant describe it.
update a few hours ltr: deleted! the world is free

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT im actually at college.. have been for a week or so. that explains the inactivity. i'm sorry! and very excited. and tired. weh

i wanted to do some online clothes shopping today but got worried about high prices and how ethically these clothes are made. i dont know, everything feels exhausting :p still super stressed about dorms lol...

awawawa... couldnt update the site for a few days bc i was travelling! uni stuff... i'm back home now but i'll go back soon and for good this time... the dorms still aren't decided which is infuriating. but its ok probably. i'm excited aaa

there's too much to do!!! i need to re-code this page!! ahhh overwhelmed overwhelmed

mm i feel like shit. not sure what to do. i should uhh, actually make a homepage. i should. not sure. it's too hot

i haaaate this. there's a construction site RIGHT NEXT to my room, its been there for like a year or more but i will complain about it every day idc... it feels like they're drilling into my head!!!! aaaaa!! i hate it!!! ughhh!
okay i'm calm. um i will turn this into a journal/diary page, whichever sounds cooler to me at that moment. i should code a homepage from stratch! i cant spell that word um. stracth pff no, isnt stratch correct? LOL okay its scratch, you know theres a program called that. i used it back when i started coding as a kid and back then i never could remember how it was spelled either! i love how somethings dont change. scratch. s c r a t ch. i don't want to misspell it anymore!

right so, to-do list.
☐find a way to change opacity of this notebook bg, or just change it in photoshop no nevermind. i dont like this notebook thing, it looks so messy.. i'll find another background for this space!
☐pages for interests, priority to rhythm games & visual novels)
☐about me
☐doraemon page, shrine type of thing. make it cute
☐shrine for favourite characters (kanata shinkai, ena shinonome, chisato shirasagi, vyn richter. for now
☐page about my interest in coding
that is a lot... um
☐don't give up!

also js still isnt working LMAO

struggling heavily with js... i dont know i just cant get some of these things to work but i'll figure it out at some point lol